Goodbye
by Dunno12345
Summary: A one-shot of Rose after she's left on the beach.


The whirring of the Tardis broke me. It was my favorite sound In the world, but this time was different-because this was the last time.

I would never travel in the infinite blue box with a mad man again. And knowing so...broke something in me.

I felt the Doctor-clone of the Doctor's shoulder brush against my own and his fingers intertwined in mine. He gave a gentle squeeze but I did not look away. Not until all traces of Tardis blue were wiped from existence. Then I tried to whisper one, silent word inside my head, will it out my mouth.

A word that was never easy and could mean only endings.

Goodbye.

But I couldn't manage it.

* * *

"Rose," I heard my mum call, walking up beside me, on the opposite end of where the Doctor stood. Or the second Doctor. Whatever he was called, I couldn't look at him. "Are you all right?"

It took a moment for me to get my bearings. A moment to let reality sink back in. "Yeah," I said, glancing over at her. "Yeah, I'm all right."

When one chapter ended, so began another, as I liked to think. But I didn't want to start something new. I wanted to go back, to the days of traveling and discovering. Not this. Who would choose this? Distantly, I noticed mum turn to the...him. "So how much...how alike are you two?"

From my peripheral vision, he cast a glance at me. It sent an electric shock up my spine, because it made me forget for a moment that he wasn't the Doctor. Not the proper one, at least, and when reality settled back, I sucked in a breath at the pain.

He even sounded like the Doctor. "Oh, same person. Same brain. Same practically everything except he's there and I'm here. Still got those memories of us," he tapped his forehead, a mischevious gleam in his eye. "And everything we've done. All stored right up in this old box."

Another tap.

I still wasn't looking at him. Physically couldn't, and it wasn't just because of that kiss, but because he was right. He was here, while the Doctor I'd tried so hard to find was whizzing about. Donna couldn't be with him forever and one day, he would be left alone again.

I hated that thought.

"Will you miss it?" Mum asked, though I knew it was a stupid question. Anyone who stepped out of the Tardis, even those who ended their travels willingly, I bet, still had times when they just wanted one more ride. One more trip.

He shrugged his shoulders, glancing back to the place where the blue phone booth had disappeared. "Course I will. But there's an end to everything. Even the Tardis and me. Will you?" The question was directed at me.

I nodded, ignoring the tears that suddenly pricked my eyes. "Well yeah. You never did take me to Barcelona. The Planet. Or he didn't. You. I mean-" I stopped and took a deep breath. Mum finally seemed to clue in on the wrongness of my voice. How distant I sounded. How I felt just as far.

"What's wrong, Sweetheart?" She asked, but I just shook my head, running a hand through my hair. "This is such a mess," I said, finally looking at him. It hurt, just like I thought it would. "I mean, you're...you're him but you're not. It's like you said; you're standin' on this beach while he's off a thousand years in the future, a whole universe away, and I just...don't know what I'm s'posed to be thinkin!"

The humor in his face died, and something twisted in my gut. I didn't want that look on that face. But I didn't want a lot of things; didn't do me much good. "I'll catch you later."

Without another word, I walked ahead of them, ignoring mum's words, his stare. I didn't know what to do with any of it and needed someplace quiet to sort through. So I left them there and walked myself back. It was long and windy, but I just tightened my arms around myself and kept going.

Was I allowed to cry? To mourn the man in the sky while a version of him was here with me? I scoffed loudly. Yeah, that didn't sound messed up at all.

 _He needs you. That's very me._

Did that mean the Doctor didn't want me with him anymore? No. No, that wasn't it. I couldn't be with him anymore; parallel universes and all that. But I felt guilty either way. If I were with him now, that I'm not. One of them would hurt which was why he'd let go first. He didn't want me to feel guilty.

"Didn't work," I muttered under my breath, kicking up a pile of sand. "Why does he always get the final say?" I turned to the ocean, staring out at the horizon, sun bleeding red over the waters. "I'm not blamin' Ya, you know," I said, even though no one was around. I didn't wait for a response; one that wouldn't come. I just began walking again, as the light faded from the sky, as the sun was swallowed by the sea.

* * *

It was late by the time I reached home. Mum instantly went on a tangent, how she'd thought I'd fallen in the ocean or been swept away by more aliens, but I assured her that neither were the case. The man-the Doctor, was standing in the kitchen, but his eyes landed on me and didn't look away. I still didn't know what to think. Or what to do for that matter. Instead, I ambled for the back door, returning to a world studded in stars.

I liked it out here. It was big and endless, full of mysteries and impossibilities like a particular box I was fond of. I rested my arms on the deck railing, just as the back door slid open.

I didn't have to look to see who it was. I heard him as he moved next to me, draping his arms over the railing himself. For a while, neither of us spoke. It felt weird; awkward. It was never awkward with the Doctor. Was this proof then? That he wasn't really-?

"You wish I were him," the Doctor-ugh, the man, said. But there was no accusation in his tone. It was as if he was simply stating a fact.

I pursed my lips. "I told you. I don't know what I'm supposed to think. You're him," I said. "But you're also not."

"How aren't I?" He asked; an offer. I turned to him at last, starting at his sneakers, going up until I met his eyes. "You never wore blue," I pointed out. Maybe it was stupid, but it was true. "You're always in tweed."

"Well, I used to wear a frock coat, too. I think if anything, my taste is an improvement."

He was still crackin jokes. That was like the Doctor. "I just..." I trailed off, lost in my own mind. "I just don't know what...to do. Around you. Like, when I say sansuma, you think-"

"Christmas Day," he answered automatically.

I nodded. "Yeah, but are those memories just a picture reel through that ginormous head of yours or are their feelings, too? And if there are, how do you know they're yours and not just borrowed from him?"

"Well," he deliberated, drawing out the word. "Because I'm not a secondary Doctor-ew, oh, that's just insulting. But is there one or the other? There's one with a Tardis and one with a human heart. That's about as different as it gets."

I scrutinized him, his eyes-those were still the same. "But do you...feel obligated at all? To stay here? With us? With..." _With me._

It was his turn to scrutinize and for a second, he seemed taken aback. "Obligated? To be muckin about with Rose Tyler? Just us and about seven billion other people hanging on this wonderful, big, amazing planet? No, that's not good." He smiled. "It's brilliant."

Despite myself, I felt my lips pull up in a smile. "And what you said...?" I couldn't say it myself.

He took a step closer, that mischevious glint back in his eyes. I doubted it ever left. "When I said what?"

I gawked. "You know...out there."

"Out where when?"

I narrowed my eyes. "Quit pretendin,' I know you know what I'm talkin about and I just want to ask if you meant it. Or if you just said it to say it. Or if you were answering his question because you knew the answer yourself. That's gotta be weird; having two minds. Literally. That's just about one step too far for me-" I shut myself up.

He came closer. "I-Me-the Doctor-want to be with you because I say so. I've wanted it ever since I asked you to come with me and you said yeah. Didn't hesitate. Didn't look back. Didnt even bother bringing a toothbrush, mind you. No, Rose Tyler, you just ran right in. Nothing's changed. It's all still as right as rain."

I hesitated, even as something different broke, not spilling out coldness, but warmth as his meaning was starting to sink in. "So you...know how you felt after I was left on the beach last time." Not a question.

The humor minimized and he was suddenly serious. "Yeah," he said. "And I don't want to go back."

"Even though you're human now?"

He scrunched his nose up but smiled that usual cheeky grin. "You lot aren't that bad. A bit thick most of the time but I think I'll manage."

A beat of silence.

"Will you?"

I turned my head to the side, still marveling at him, trying to find something out of place. But I didn't want to be with someone just because they were like someone else. I wanted to be with a person for who they were. And that's what he was, I saw. Still fantastic, still brilliant. He was still him.

I smiled. "I think I can get used to blue," was what I said.

* * *

I stood on the beach again, staring off at the ocean winking across the horizon. It seemed the only times I ever stepped on this beach was with a broken heart, but not today. Today was different. It was new.

"Is that it, then?" I asked no one. If he was listening or not, I didn't know, but I needed to say it, to let it go. "The final send off? Our grand departure?" A dull ache throbbed in my chest as I stared out. But it didn't hurt much anymore; it was simply a reminder, of all the great adventures I'd been a part of.

"Well, it was a good one. A really, really good one. And," I smiled as a memory surfaced, one of a different face, a different man, the same Doctor, who grabbed my hand and whispered run. "I wouldn't have missed it for the world."


End file.
